Over and Out...

When I woke up this morning, I was constipated.

I don't like having to engage in even one of my daily activities with the feeling that I need to go poo and can't. And it's not because somebody kept me preoccupied during an explanation for a math problem, nor was I worried about burning the blueberry muffins baking in the oven for breakfast, nor was my youngest engaged in fervent recall trying to describe and/or interpret one of her bad dreams which usually takes a good fifteen minutes to get to the end of, at which time, it is usually my preference to sum up for her in just one simple and very quick sentence (IT'S NOT REAL) so that I can race off to the bathroom to relieve myself before I can't.

But today was different. I wasn't being forced to hold it back...It just wouldn't come out. And shortly thereafter, I received the following email:

"Kathleen, I've given you an award on my blog."

Wha?

I repeat...WHAT?

Having partially digested this information, I felt my bowels stiffening ever further because of the additional blockage that was now occurring in my brain as I tried to read the rules over and over again through repeated error messages. I feared that I was, at that very moment, totally compromising any chance I had left to secure a normal bowel movement on my own within the next twenty-four hour period due to the increased stress levels I was thus experiencing from the lack of two different kinds of BM's (brain and bowel combined).

I knew there must be some mistake. Wrong blog, wrong person; a simple oversight on the part of the awarder because she would not have intentionally nominated me had she known that I was truly a wretched candidate for such an honor. I'm desperately trying to come up with a good analogy. Let's see, a blog award for me is like....giving a kid an ice-cream cone who is lactose intolerant.

The Rules:

If you have received an award simply choose either the dark or light background image and save it to your files, then post it proudly on your blog!

I don't wanna. It's too hard. The website keeps freezing up on me. It took me four months just to venture into the sidebars of my blog. I just want to be Kenai in Brother Bear. I want to trade my blog award for something else...anything else (a bowel movement would be nice).

Pass the award on to five other people, you can choose any of the awards from the series, you do not have to pass out the exact award you received. Choose whichever of the awards below that you'd like to give out. You can give out one of each or five of the same one, whatever you prefer.

What I'd really prefer is to be able to pass my own bowel movement! Though I am more ashamed to admit that I don't know five other people to pass this award to (surely there is no reason to doubt me). I don't even see or chat with five other people on the phone on a regular basis or on an irregular basis for that matter, not to mention that this whole blogging thing is still foreign to much of the population that I happen to come into contact with, and on those rare occasions when I do, 99.9% of those people are the strangers I pass by with my shopping cart when I'm loading up on supplies at Costco, Vons and J.C. Penney. Are not my comment sections proof enough? I am friendless.

If you feel that you or a friend are deserving of an award and no one has given one to you yet then email me at sayhitochristy(at)hotmail.com and tell me about your website.

I want to sayhitochristy and tell her that I'm presently incapacitated and should be disqualified as soon as possible because anyone who posts about their constipation should not be nominated for any type of an award.

"Mom, you are an embarrassment to the blogging community. It's a good thing you don't have any friends...Ohhh, man, I think I'm going to have another nightmare."