"Here comes the 'golden' years," says my dear, thoughtful, neighbor after buying and hand delivering to me, my very own back-scratcher. I'm still not sure if he really thought I wanted...or needed it. Maybe both. I think he must be very fond of me.
Hardly looks like the one my grandpa use to have. This sadistic looking rake has the capability of swiftly removing every slightly raised mole on my entire body. I want to ask him if it came with band-aids.
What happened to those stupid little fingers they put on the end of a wooden stick? Oh, I get it. This is the new, improved, "politically correct" model. Who could possibly take offense to pronged bamboo?
I also had the added pleasure of being diagnosed with Anisometrophia. Sounds as deadly as the appearance of those claws up there. I sat in the doc's office asking him to repeat it several times so that I would sound educated when my children probed me on the condition I thought I was now going to die from. He said it was not a very common disease, and I proceeded to question him as to whether or not I would be appreciated if I were to start entertaining the public in circus performances. Then he proceeded to dilate both pupils so that when I got home, my children naturally assumed I had had an encounter with a possessed demon. Darn, why didn't I take a picture of that...
What did I do next? I went outside to clip some roses. They always make me feel better, especially in December.
Then I told them the bad news...
Mom's eyesight was deteriorating and I was going to need contact lenses.
Hardly looks like the one my grandpa use to have. This sadistic looking rake has the capability of swiftly removing every slightly raised mole on my entire body. I want to ask him if it came with band-aids.
What happened to those stupid little fingers they put on the end of a wooden stick? Oh, I get it. This is the new, improved, "politically correct" model. Who could possibly take offense to pronged bamboo?
I also had the added pleasure of being diagnosed with Anisometrophia. Sounds as deadly as the appearance of those claws up there. I sat in the doc's office asking him to repeat it several times so that I would sound educated when my children probed me on the condition I thought I was now going to die from. He said it was not a very common disease, and I proceeded to question him as to whether or not I would be appreciated if I were to start entertaining the public in circus performances. Then he proceeded to dilate both pupils so that when I got home, my children naturally assumed I had had an encounter with a possessed demon. Darn, why didn't I take a picture of that...
What did I do next? I went outside to clip some roses. They always make me feel better, especially in December.
Then I told them the bad news...
Mom's eyesight was deteriorating and I was going to need contact lenses.
