A Pocket Full of Plaque

My oldest daughter took this photo. Although she didn't quite get the subject in focus, I like the way everything in the background looks as if it might be spinning around. Or maybe it's just me after loading up on Advil and sipping a few glasses of wine through a straw to help me forget that I just had every inch of half my gums anesthetized until my teeth felt like petrified wood instead of enamel so that my dentist could perform a lovely procedure called root planing. It was just about as gratifying as my last two root canals. I really can't decide which one I liked better.

I'm one of the lucky people whose teeth attract that soft, sticky, debris and bacteria in the same way iron attacks a magnet. Unfortunately, having put off basic dental hygiene last year for reasons now unjustifiable to my throbbing gums, my New Year's party started off with several injections in the dentist's chair underneath a paper gown that covered the entire length of my body. Humm, that got me thinking. I immediately asked for alcohol in the form of a liquid drink, to which they refused me, however, I was advised that I could have all the nitrous oxide I wanted.


Shocking...they saved the best for last and handed me the post-treatment instructions:

1. Immediately following your appointment, you will notice small blood clots between your teeth. They will dissolve in a few hours. Bloody clots are the first sign of healing.

"Joy."

2. Several hours after your appointment, you will experience a slight oozing of blood mixed with your saliva.

"Maybe I'll eat a hot dog when I get home and just omit the ketchup."

3. You will encounter a slight (but temporary) increase in tooth mobility.

"I don't remember my teeth moving at all before this procedure."

4. Take care not to bite your lips or cheeks, but especially don't bite your tongue off.

"Strike that hot dog."

5. Put an old pillowcase on your pillow in case you drool blood.

"Okay! Good thing my pillowcase is red."

See you in two weeks, Doc...