Is it simply growing older that makes me look at life so differently than I did two years ago, two months ago or even two days ago. Is it the brokenness all around me that once seemed so distant from my little corner of the world, but now clings unyieldingly, wet and heavy, soaking clear through my skin to the very core of who I am that forces me to change lanes, pull over and check the map. Is it my children's desperate search for their place in this upside down world that beckons me with more urgency into the stillness, the quiet of my Creator, as I try to make sense of all the sharp turns, chunks of gravel, and near fatal crashes that have made this dusty, pitted road I'm traveling on seem more like an ascending cliff that has no turnaround.
The more I go to Him for direction the less capable I feel that I will ever become the kind of driver who learns in obedience to put my foot on the brake in time to steer clear from a collision or avoid a detour that leads me to a dead-end. I cry out, "I am such a slow learner." He lovingly shows me the map again and again and again.
He keeps telling me I have a license, but my driving record convinces me that it's only a permit. I would never hand me the keys.
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."
Isaiah 55:8-9
2 comments:
The more you think about it, the more incredible it is. I only wish I could exhibit 1/10th of the same patience with my children.
Yes, you seem to have come to a much more peaceful place in the past few years, and I admire your tireless devotion to your children. I often find myself thinking that I'll "eventually" do something, "eventually" work harder at it, and then I fear that I might run out of time . . .
It is the same for me; my lack of patience with my children. I know now that God sent them along to reveal all of my shortcomings, to bring me to a place of utter humility, and it's sooo not pretty sometimes:-)
I have realized this past year how completely insane it is to go even one day without seeking Him first and making Him REAL in their lives. He has laid this sense of urgency upon my heart...that we do not have much time left...they need to be FILLED with Him if they are going to survive out there.
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